Saga of the Passport Photo

I do not look good in photographs. I am not saying that I think that I don't look good in photographs. I know that I do not look good in most photographs. I can easily count the number of times when I looked good in photographs, including:

1. anywhere in Denmark in the summer of 1996 because the time zone, climate and people agreed with me;

2. during any activity related to my college roommate's wedding, even with a tiara on my head; and

3. in my first passport photo.

No one has a good driver's license or passport photo, but it was almost as if all the bad photos granted me one miracle, one good bureaucratic photo. It was taken at a local travel agency after an all-nighter, two exams and no caffeine. If I had not experienced this miracle, I probably would not have cared about how I looked in the next one.

Passports need to be renewed every ten years. After seeing four 2x2 photos of my face looking washed out, and my head shaped like a large hard-boiled egg, I decided to treat this photo shoot like a movie production and use all my film analysis skills to take a good photo. [When my mom first saw the photos, she said, "They look fine, sweetie." Then wordlessly I showed her my current passport photo. "Oh yeah, you can't use those. No."]

If I had a production crew solely devoted to making sure that my hair looked good, the lighting was ideal and the clothes and makeup were perfect, I would look good. Unfortunately, I can't afford a production crew. In my effort to pay off my student loans, I decided to forgo any beauty treatments outside of the home, but this passport photo was an investment. God willing, I will pay off my student loans by September 2009 and will do a lot of traveling within the next ten years. Every time I had to show my passport, I wanted it to be a celebration of being debt-free, not another moment to ponder whether or not I looked like a wan, sleepy hag.

On Friday night, I got a facial from Elizabeth Grady. On Saturday morning, I recreated the elements of the photo by wearing the same blazer and turtleneck that I did in the first photo. I applied my makeup the same way that I did ten years ago....I actually put some on.

Then I went to my new favorite hair stylist, Marjorie of Rosie's Hair Design at 1700 Mass Ave, Cambridge, (617) 876-1603. I usually don't like going to the hair salon for several reasons. First, Rosie's Hair Design is one of the few hair salons that actually does all types of hair, not just claiming that they do while nervously consulting with other hair stylists about what to do. Second, pain was always one disincentive from going to the salon. When Marjorie used the blow dryer, it did not feel like the flames of Mordor were styling my hair. Third, I did not have to make an appointment years in advance, miss a day of work, travel to a different town, then hope that I was seen before midnight, and that my hair style was completed before the next millennium.

After my hair was done, it was time to take the photo because the famous New England weather could have decided to flip the switch to rain at any moment. I decided not to go to the local travel agency because I noticed that they took photos from an unflattering angle, as if a child was taking your photo and angling the camera towards your chin (or what looked like chins in the photo).

Instead, I rushed to Hunt's Photo and Video because Hunt's offered two options: the traditional Polaroid camera or a digital camera. I went for the retro look of the Polaroid camera because I could not be bothered to read the Department of State's requirements for digital photos. The camera faced me head-on, and the photos were a success.

It cost me over $200.00 to take one good photo, but if a photo is really worth a thousand words, I don't want them to be expletives.