And Now A Word From Sean Penn's Dog

Hello, I'm Sean Penn's Dog (see photo above).

Due to a response that Sean made to one of Chris Rock's jokes at the Oscars, a number of you have been muttering, "That guy has no sense of humor. Sorry, Robin." I have decided, on behalf of my family, to step up and defend Sean.

Sure the press claims that Sean was simply defending a colleague, a friend and a great actor, but it was more than that. He felt the need to praise Jude because, well, I love him, and it is not just puppy love.

That is not to say it is mutual or reciprocated. It is not even exclusive. Sean knows about my admiration for other great actors, such as Ralph Fiennes or his former co-star Chris Walken, who is not a big dog fan, but is still a close friend of the family so Chris makes an exception for me.

Also I couldn't be Sean's dog and not know a little something about acting. One may say that this is like the modern day Barrymore family. The only reason I haven't thrown my paw into the action is because I'm committed to taking care of the family first before pursuing my career. When the kids get older, then I may renew some old studio connections, but I'm going to use a different last name because I don't want to ride in on anyone's tail except my own.

But I digress. Jude Law is a beautiful man and a great actor, but I have been a little defensive lately because he does seem to be choosing a bunch of movies just to see whether or not something will stick. So when Chris made that joke, I guess the whole family cringed and was slightly sensitive because who among us hasn't chosen to star in a movie that appears to jar with the real focus of our careers. Am I right, Chris?

Chris, don't worry about it. We just wanted to make sure that the crowd didn't get the wrong impression. Namely that Jude should ever be considered a low rate Tom Cruise. If you don't believe me, then see him in anything. Tom, on his best action fighting day, can't measure up to Jude simply crouching in preparation to give a common criminal a swift beating in The Wisdom of Crocodiles or Immortality. If it is real life and my car is about to lose control, I wouldn't want that skinny boy anywhere near me and would put Tom on speed dial, but otherwise, Jude is my pick.

And have you seen him in The Talented Mr. Ripley or Gattaca? He always steals the show from his American co-stars. (Um, Sean, I know you like a challenge, but have you thought this through? I need my kibble. This coat doesn't stay shiny on its own.)

Also, Jude does not just substitute his beauty for real acting. He is always ready to try and get ugly in such films as Road to Perdition or Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil. Unfortunately, I think that casting was insane and showed poor judgment to cast a preternaturally beautiful man in their film for the skanky role, but people never listen to the dog. After all, they kept making sequels to the Matrix and blinded then hid half of Keanu Reeves' face in the last one. If ever an actor needed his face to keep an audience, it's Keanu. I went for a walk at that point.

So please don't blame Sean for his advocacy of Jude. He was just listening to his best friend.